Consequences
by mabelreid
Summary: Sequel to Wounds. AU reidelle. Elle's been keeping a secret since her night with Reid, but now fate brings them back together. Will they work things out?
1. Fate intervenes

**A/n This take place 6 years after Wounds. Elle and reid are a bit ooc so turn back now if you don't like that, rated m for adult situations and language**

**Disclaimer: I don't own CM only my own characters Please don't sue me.**

**please tell me if you like this or if you don't I respond to all reviews **

Special Agent Dr Spencer Reid hadn't changed much in the last six years. He still looked like Dr Reid should look. His hair was the same, and his clothes were the same. He remained the smartest one on the BAU's best profiling team. He was still a bit shy, but not like he'd been in years past. He'd seen many atrocities. The team had caught many offenders in the last six years. Two of those men he'd been forced to kill. He wasn't proud of all he'd seen and done, but he could sleep most nights. The nightmares he'd suffered from so badly in the early days, had gone for the most part.

Gideon and Hotch were gone from the BAU. Gideon had been killed by one of the Unsubs Reid had killed. He hadn't been quick enough to save the man he thought of as his father. He still mourned him.

Hotch worked in the Bureaus office in DC as an Assistant Director in anti terrorism. He'd almost lost his marriage to the BAU, and the promotion had come at just the right time. Reid still saw him now and then, but not as often as he would have liked.

Garcia was still the resident computer maven; she still saved their butts on a regular basis. She and Morgan were in a relationship that had been going on for almost five years. They were both very happy, and Reid envied them.

Morgan had taken Gideon's place as bureau chief, the youngest agent to have the position. He'd settled down a lot since he hooked up with Penelope, and he no longer teased Reid as much as he had. Truthfully, Reid missed it.

JJ no longer worked in the BAU. She had also taken another job. She was living in California now happily married with two children. He often wondered how she was, and if she thought of them at all.

Everything had changed since Elle had left. They'd gotten a new agent, Emily Prentiss, but it wasn't the same. Nothing had been the same since she'd disappeared from the BAU after killing a man. He'd thought at the time it was for the best. They'd had one drunken night together, and at the time it had embarrassed him. He hadn't wanted to deal with her, or the consequences of that night. Still, he thought of her more than he would admit to anyone. His own feelings confused him. There were some dark nights when her face wouldn't leave his mind, and she haunted his dreams with erotic images.

He desperately wanted to forget he'd ever known her. She was the reason his relationship with JJ had failed. Not because he told her he'd slept with Elle, but because she believed he was still hung up on that one night. Nothing he did, or said had helped, and one night they had a screaming fight that ended with her leaving just as Elle had done.

He'd had a few other relationships since then, one or two purely for the sexual release he needed. He wasn't happy then, and he wasn't happy now. One or two times he'd considered using his FBI skills and tracking her down. He'd never had closure with her. She would've been angry if he'd come looking for her - so he didn't, and things continued to go down hill for him in his personal life. He had resigned himself to a lifetime of wondering, and questioning - little did he know it was all about to change… in one terrifying moment.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Elle Greenaway got into her SUV. Kara was strapped in the back seat. It was time to take her to school. She was a beautiful little five year old girl with her father's chocolate brown eye's, her mother's hair and complexion, and her father's delicate hands. She was a bright and cheerful child - much like Elle had been before the FBI and BAU and all the horrors she'd seen.

Elle's life was okay. She worked for a security company that contracted out to the government, and she'd actually been in DC all these years. Within driving distance of Quantico and Spencer Reid. There was nothing she regretted more than her drunken seduction of him. She'd hated him that night - hated him for giving in to her so easily. She'd despised him for being Dr Reid… smart… shy and embarrassingly awkward. She hated him later for letting her get away with what she'd done to him. What she didn't hate was his daughter.

She loved Kara with all of her soul. Now she despised herself for her cowardice. She didn't keep Kara from her father out of revenge. She kept her away because, she didn't want to deal with the feelings that had risen in her the night they'd had sex in that cheap hotel room. They were feelings she didn't know how to deal with. After all he was Reid - she wasn't supposed to care for him that way. And besides, she thought he'd had a crush on JJ.

As she drove to Kara's school, memories of the years crowded in her mind. She'd thought herself at least partially free of them - and in the light of day she usually was, but at night they filled her dreams. He filled her dreams. She'd tried to have a relationship with other men, but nothing had worked out. She'd been dismayed to find out she was happy when JJ had left, and her relationship with Spencer had ended. Yes, she had been keeping tabs on him, after all she had to know how to reach him if anything ever happened to Kara. At least that's what she told herself.

She couldn't delay much longer, if she did Spencer would never forgive her for her deceit - and her daughter would hate her. It was then the fate decided to rip the decision out of her hands.

One moment all was well she was talking to Kara, hearing about the animals they were going to draw in school. She loved Kara drawings - she was beginning to show real talent.

The next minute every thing was noise… the breaking of glass… and the buckling of metal… as they were broad sided on the passenger side. The small pickup truck hit them at forty miles per hour, Elle's driver side and front air bags deployed, and saved her from injury. Kara wasn't so lucky. It took the paramedics an hour to cut her from the car. Elle walked away with some scrapes and bruises. Kara was flown by life flight to Georgetown University Hospital.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Spencer was at his desk when his phone rang. He didn't recognize the number just the Washington area code.

"Dr Reid."

"Spencer." A small voice said,… so broken up by tears… he almost didn't recognize it… almost.

"Elle?"

He was dumb founded… how did she have his cell number… why was she calling him… and worst of all why was he happy she had? She didn't answer - he heard only sobs.

"Elle, what's wrong?"

"Kara, she's… hurt bad Spencer… you have to come… please baby."

_Wait a minute who's Kara, and did she just call me baby?_

"Elle you're not making any sense… what's happened… who's Kara?"

"You have to come… Georgetown Hospital!" She began sobbing again.

"Elle… why do I have to come… what's going on?"

"She's only five Spencer… it's not fair… please come."

He gave up trying to understand her - instead he simply hung up the phone and ran to Morgan's office. He informed his boss he was leaving for the day, and hurried down to the garage to his SUV.

As he drove, he began to piece things together. She had said Kara and that this Kara was only five. She was hysterical so that could mean she was Kara's mother… and if the age was right that meant that Kara was - no that couldn't be. He couldn't have child… and more importantly Elle wouldn't keep something like that from him… would she?

_Remember Spencer… that you don't know her anymore… if you ever did. Who knows what she would do? _

_But she wouldn't keep something like that from me - she knows I would hate her for it. _

He turned it over and over in his mind as he drove through the late morning sun. Was this the reason he couldn't get her out of his head? Was there some power in the universe that made him know of his daughter's existence… even if it was unconsciously? No that couldn't be right… could it?

By the time he reached the hospital, he was in a low grade panic for Kara… and a high state of piss off at Elle. How could she do this to him?

He parked and ran through the emergency doors. He pushed to the front of the line using his badge, and asked the nurse if Kara Greenaway had been brought in.

She was angry till she saw the badge, the gun and the look on his face. She checked the records and said.

"No sir, there's no one by that name here."

He thought frantically for a moment… didn't she say Georgetown University when she called? Wait the name… would she have given Kara his name?

"What about Kara Reid?"

"Yes… she here… may I ask who you are sir?"

"My name is Special Agent Dr Spencer Reid."

"What is your relationship to the patient, Dr Reid?"

"Ah - I'm her father." _Her father… oh this is too bizarre to be real_.

"Step around this way Dr Reid," she said as she buzzed him through the doors.

By the time he was ushered up to the waiting room, he was in shock. It was real… she was his daughter… and she was in bad trouble. When he came through the swinging doors he saw Elle. His anger surged, how could she have done this to him? Did she hate him so much? He thought that after all these years she would have forgiven him, and the BAU for her shooting, but he'd thought wrong.

He crossed to her ready to rip her to pieces for her deceits, when she turned around. Her eyes were red and swollen from crying. Apart from that she looked exactly as she had the first time he saw her… the hair… her face… the color of her eyes. All of the feeling he'd felt that first time overwhelmed him… lust… appreciation for her mind… and more than a little fear of her kick-ass attitude. This mixed with the love for her he'd denied himself for years, and the sorrow that she'd left him without so much as a goodbye. Then the anger welled up again. It wasn't right for her to interrupt the sad little life he had. He liked his life… it was uncomplicated, and simple.

He strode towards her with a caustic remark on his lips. Then she did something very un Elle-like. She threw herself into his arms, and began to sob. Reluctantly his arms came around her, and held her tight as she cried. He felt his own tears rising to the surface. He wept for Kara… the innocent life created in a moment of weakness… he cried for himself… and the years he missed with her and her mother… but mostly he cried because it might be too late to make things right again.

By the time Elle's stormy sobs had calmed to occasional tears, he sat her down in the waiting room. She refused to meet his eyes. She hadn't meant for it to happen this way. She wanted his meeting with Kara to be happy not sad. Now her daughter clung to life at the mercy of the surgeon's hands. She prayed to God her daughter wouldn't be punished for her sins.

Hours later the surgeon came into the waiting room. Elle was sleeping on the couch and Reid was staring uncomprehendingly at the magazine in front of him.

"Are you Dr Reid," the surgeon asked him gently. There was blood on the front of his scrubs and he looked exhausted.

_Oh God, that's **her** blood_

"Yes, I am doctor"

The surgeon gestured to Elle. "Is that Kara's mother?"

Reid nodded and he went over to wake her up. He shook her gently and she awoke with a start, the fear in her eyes broke his heart, again.

"Spencer, is she-"

"The surgeon's here to talk to us." He took her hand as she stood up, and she didn't try to pull away.

"We repaired the damage to her internal organs. We had to removed her spleen. She has four broken ribs, and a broken arm. Her head trauma was minimal, but she is in a coma right now."

Elle turned into Reid's chest and began to sob. He stroked her back and said to the doctor, "When can we see her."

"She in recovery for at least four hours, after that she'll be in pediatric ICU. You can see here then but only one at a time."


	2. Confrontations

**A/n same warnings apply as the first chapter. Thanks to everyone who has reviewed. Is anyone else having trouble uploading documents or is it just me?**

**Disclaimer: I don't own CM only my own characters**

Reid closed his phone; he'd just called Morgan to inform him what was happening, and to tell him he wouldn't be back to the BAU indefinitely. Morgan had understood, and had said he would come up with a story for the rest of the team. Reid could tell them himself when he was ready. He had decided that he was going to stay with Elle and Kara till she was well. He kept up a mantra to himself.

_She's going to be fine, just believe she's going to be fine_.

This he repeated to himself, over and over again, till it was a desperate prayer to the invisible Keeper of the Universe. He'd never believed in a Supreme Power until now. He had to believe in something, because Kara had to be all right, he had to have the chance to know her, and love her.

He finally convinced Elle to leave the hospital, and get food. He wanted to stand vigil as much as she did, but he couldn't stand the waiting, and the wondering. He had to get out of there, just for a couple of hours. He vetoed the hospital cafeteria. He hated hospitals, and refused to eat their food if he didn't have to. Anyway they needed to talk.

"I don't want to do this in public, Spencer, my home is in Georgetown. Lets just head out there, and we can stop, and grab fast food on the way."

"I don't know if that's such a good idea Elle, that last time we were alone together, we conceived a child."

She stopped just outside the door to the ER, and looked at him like he was crazy. "I don't have plans to try and seduce you Dr Reid, my little girl was almost killed, and sex is the furthest thing from my mind."

She was extremely irritated that he'd even suggest such a possibility. It made her wonder what else he was thinking. She wasn't sure she wanted to know. The truth was she didn't trust herself with him, alone… despite what had happened to Kara. He was her daughter's father and she was pretty sure she loved him. She'd been able to convince herself it wasn't true till he'd stepped through the ER doors, and her heart had stopped.

She had forgotten just how very attractive he was, in spite of no regard for what he wore, or that he was still way too skinny. His eyes were the same, expressive and beautiful, just like Kara's.

_God, she was so confused. Why did this have to happen this way? Why were their lives a constant train wreck waiting to happen?_

"Elle, are you listening to me, or are you going to day-dream all day?"

_God, she couldn't even pay attention to him for five minutes. This was going to be a long afternoon_.

She ignored him till they reached the car, and he asked her what she wanted to eat. She told him just to stop at the first place he saw. It didn't matter… she wasn't planning on eating anything, anyway.

He picked up food at the first burger join the found, hamburgers were the only food he liked when upset or angry.

She gave him directions to get to her home. They made the rest of the drive in stony silence, each of them lost in their own thoughts. She spoke only to tell him to turn left here, or turn right there. Soon they were in front of a white two story home that looked like it had come straight out of "Leave it to Beaver" Spencer was a little shocked, this was the last place he expected Elle to live.

"What," she said, a little irritated when after parking the truck, he just sat there staring at her home.

"I just didn't expect that you would live in a place like this, it's so - well so domestic."

"I'm a mother now Spencer, I'm not going to live in a little apartment anymore."

He got out of his SUV without another word, and followed her into the house. If was beautifully decorated in soft pastel colors. The windows sparkled, and were hung with white lace curtains. As she led him to the kitchen, they passed the living room. The sight of Kara toys strewn about broke his heart, again.

She dropped the paper sack of food on the table, and pulled off her jacket. She sat down without offering him a chair. That was okay, she could be defensive and rude. In fact he hoped she would, it would make what he wanted to say to her easier. He pulled out a burger, and began to eat, as she began to speak.

"Spencer, I wanted to tell you about Kara, a million times I nearly picked up the phone to call you, and it just never seemed to be the right time. I didn't want to disturb you life."

"You think that telling me I was a father would disturb my life?"

"Oh come on, you're Dr Reid, profiler extraordinaire, you live in a small apartment that you keep so neat it borders on obsessive, and you don't like children."

"Please don't tell me those are your excuses for withholding my child from me because if you're serious, then you aren't the Elle I knew from six years ago. That Elle was upfront and honest - she wouldn't make up lame excuses to cover up her real reasons for her actions."

"You don't know me anymore Spencer - you have no idea what I would or wouldn't do."

"Well that much is obvious."

"Your sarcasm isn't appreciated Dr Reid.

"And neither are your insults," He said, anger threatening to overflow.

"I don't know what you want me to say. I had plans to introduce you to Kara. I never wanted things to happen the way they have, you have to believe me.

He got up, his food forgotten and began to pace. There was something she was holding back, and he didn't know how to make her tell him. This was more than her not wanting to disturb his life, but he knew she wouldn't tell him till she wanted to. Still, that didn't mean he wouldn't push, and push hard.

"Elle you and I both know there is no reason in the world for you to keep my daughter a secret. So, I'll ask you again, why didn't you tell me about her?"

"I was afraid you would hate me, for everything that happened between us."

'Elle… stop lying to me, damn it. I know you, and you never cared about my feelings before, so why start now? You were the one who seduced me, because you wanted to punish the team for abandoning you. I was the easy target, geeky young Dr Reid. You used my insecurities against me, you knew I had a crush on you, and that made it that much easier for you."

Elle stood up her eyes blazing as she grabbed one of his arms. "Don't lecture to me Dr Reid, it was Hotch that sent me home that night, it was Gideon that broke Gardner's rules to not involve anyone but the team, he had JJ call that press conference. If he hadn't done that, Gardner wouldn't have come after me. I almost died that day, so don't you dare preach to me."

"I know you almost died Elle, I was there and I was terrified for you, but I couldn't let it show. You were always way out of my league, so I had to be content to admire you from a distance."

He couldn't believe he'd just admitted all of this to her. He was so angry that his better sense had gone out the window. He pulled his arm out of her grasp, and walked out of the kitchen into the living room. He sat down on the couch, and nearly lost that last of his composure when he saw the drawing on the floor. It was clearly a child's drawing, but it showed the potential for real talent.

He picked up the drawing to get a closer look at it. In the drawing was a house just like Elle's with a figure of a woman, and a small child holding hands in front of the home. The colors were bight, and cheerful. At least she was happy here, thank God.

Elle stood in the doorway, and watched him breakdown as he held Kara's drawing in his hand. It truly hit her at that moment just what she had done, and she was overcome with remorse so large it blocked out even the grief she felt for her child's pain.

"Jesus Christ Elle… you really are an insensitive bitch. I don't think I've ever hated anyone more than I hate you right now." His voice was so choked with tears she could barely understand him.

"I hope to God for your sake that Kara pulls through this," Elle said from the doorway. She knew better than to approach him.

"Since when did you care about me… or my child? If you'd had any compassion in you soul, I wouldn't be waiting to meet my baby girl for the first time in a hospital bed."

He got up still holding the picture, and moved past her heading for the front door, he didn't want to be there anymore. Elle could wait for news on her own. He had to get a hold of his emotions on his own, without the confusion, just being near her brought to him.

"Spencer… wait-"

She put a hand on his arm to stop him from leaving. He shrugged her hand away. "Elle, I'm going to leave now before I say, or do something I regret. You and I will pick this up after we find out how our daughter is doing. Right now, I need to find a motel to stay in - I'm not leaving DC till she's well."

"Stay here Spencer, I have an extra room, there's no reason for you to pay for a room."

"You can't be serious Elle - there is no way I am going to stay in this house, alone with you. If you seriously think I would, you are more deluded than I thought."

"I don't know how many ways I can tell you I'm sorry Spencer."

"You can start by telling me the truth Elle, why did you keep me away from my daughter?"

How could she tell him that staying away from him was the only way she had to forget what Gardner did to her? How could she tell him that she loved him more than anyone else in the world, but she had realized it too late? The dye had been set the day she learned she was pregnant, and made the decision to stay away from him, the BAU, and everything that had hurt her.

"Spencer I-" she couldn't say it.

He turned from her and left the house. She fell on the couch, and cried for all of the things she'd lost because of her own stubborn pride, and need for revenge. She didn't move until it was time for her to go back to the hospital. Kara would be out of recovery, and she could finally see her sweet little girl.


	3. The Waiting Game

**A/n this is short but the next chapter will make up for it.**

**Disclaimer I don't own CM just my own characters**

Spencer found a hotel just blocks form the hospital. He checked in, and told the inquiring desk clerk he didn't know how long he would be there. He asked if he could have the room for a week, and when that was over he'd indicate then if he still needed it. She said that was fine. She was young, and appreciated the handsome older man in front of her. If he'd said he needed the room for a whole year, she wouldn't have questioned it. She wondered as she took his credit card, if he was alone or with someone. He looked so sad. She handed him his key, and he turned away without another word. She sighed to herself, and decided that if the opportunity presented itself in the next week; she was going to try to get him into her bed. She would get rid of that sad eyed look in no time.

If he hadn't been in his own world, Reid would've seen how the girl was looking at him. He would've told her to forget it; his heart was only open to one woman and to one child. He trudged to the elevator, and waited impatiently for it to arrive. He wanted a shower, and a nap before it was time to go back to the hospital. He dropped the key card when he arrived at the door, and cursed himself for his clumsiness. In fact he cursed himself for just about everything that was wrong in his life.

Entering the room he dropped his bag on the floor. It was a good thing he always had one packed for any over night cases they might have. This was only going to do him for a couple of days, and then he would either have to go back to his apartment for clean clothes or go shopping. He hated shopping; he would try to avoid that eventuality. He left a trail of clothing on the floor to the bathroom, and a hot shower.

The water felt good on his skin, he turned it up as hot as he could stand it. The water worked its magic, relieving the headache he had, and working out the sore muscle in his back and neck. He stepped out, dried off, and crawled into the bed. He set his travel alarm for an hour, and dropped down into sleep like stone falls into deep, dark water, into oblivion.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Elle spent the same time cursing herself for letting him get to her. She'd sat there, and she'd taken all of the terrible things he'd said to her without a word. The old Elle wouldn't have stood for it. She would've but him down with some biting remark or look. Dr Reid wouldn't have gotten away with calling her a bitch six years ago, so why did she let him get away with it now?

She knew why, he was right, she'd been wrong to let things go as far as they had. That was why she couldn't lash out at him. How was she going to handle this, now he was back in their lives, she knew he would want to stay. She wanted him to stay, she didn't want things to go back to the way they'd been.

She couldn't stay in the house another minute, not with memories of her daughter all around her, she had to get back to the hospital, even if they wouldn't let her see her daughter, she had to be near her again. She got off the couch and went to fix her face. She left it free of makeup, that didn't matter, but her eyes were red from crying. She splashed some water on her face, and got out the eye drops from the medicine cabinet.

She got out to the driveway before she remembered that her SUV was totaled. She went back into the house to call a cab. Spencer would have to bring her home, when or if she came back here that day.

The young man driving the cab was nice, and he tried to get her to talk, but she refused ,so he did all the talking for her, not minding that she wouldn't answer him. He watched her as she walked into the hospital. He wondered if she were alone, or if she had a sick husband. He hadn't noticed a wedding band. Maybe she would call for a cab again, and he would be lucky enough to see her again. He thought of a few tricks he had that could wipe that look of desperation off her face. He grinned to himself, and drove off, happy for another pretty face to add to his collection of fantasy women.

Elle entered the hospital, and returned to the waiting room she'd been in while she'd waited for Kara to come out of surgery. She found a nurse and badgered her for an up date. Kara was still in recovery, and would be there for at least another two hours. She sat down to wait and wondered where Spencer was. How could he not be here, didn't his daughter mean anything to him.

_Well no she doesn't, thanks to you._

_I was going to tell him about her, I didn't want it to be like this._

_Sure you were ,you had no intention of ever telling him. What were you going to tell you daughter, that her father was dead, that he didn't want anything to do with her, what?_

_It's not like that, I had to pick the right time._

_Sure you did, you didn't want to deal with him because you're in love with him, and the idea scares you to death._

She waged this internal battle with herself till she fell asleep in the chair she was in. She didn't move until she felt a hand on her arm, and heard a familiar voice call her name.

He started out of sleep with a frustrated moan, berating himself for the tone of his dreams. After all he had a small daughter in the hospital, and who knew how she was, or if she would wake up. Here he was messing up the sheets of a cheap hotel because he couldn't control himself. He thought he'd left wet-dreams behind him after adolescence. When had his body been invaded by a fourteen year old boy? Now he would have to take another quick shower before going back to the hospital.

He'd dreamed of Elle and that night in the motel, every word, sensation and emotion came back to him. Damn it all to hell! He had to get himself under some kind of control before he saw Elle again. He forced himself to think only of Kara. She was the most important thing in his life, not Elle. Maybe when all of this is over - no don't go there Reid, that way lies only confusion and deception.

He finished quickly with the shower, and dressed even more quickly in the clothes he left on the floor. He didn't care if they were wrinkled. He needed to get back to the hospital and see his daughter. He couldn't wait anymore. He needed to be reminded why her mother wasn't right for him.

He entered the hospital once more. When he went through the doorway to the waiting room, and saw Elle a thousand emotions washed over him. He didn't want it to be this complicated, but he knew you didn't always get what you wished for. She was asleep sitting up. She looked like what she was, a mother deathly afraid for her daughter. His heart hurt for her in spite of all that she'd done. He leaned over her, and spoke her name as he lightly touched her arm.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The doctor came into see them about forty minutes after Spencer had awakened her. Kara had been moved to the pediatric ICU and they could see her. The doctor told them again, that only one of them at a time could go into the room. He explained to them what they would see, their daughter with a lot of wires and tubes in her body. He wanted them to be prepared for what they saw. He warned them that she might be unrecognizable, due to the bruising, and various wound dressing on her body.

Reid told Elle to go in first. She was Kara's mother, and as much as he might hate her for keeping his daughter away from him, he knew she was hurting inside, and longing for a sight of her little girl. She reached into her purse, and pulled out her wallet. She removed the most recent picture she had of Kara, and gave it to him to look at. She told him she wanted him to know what she looked like before the accident. He didn't want to look at it. He held it turned over in his hand ,as he moved to sit down in the tiny waiting room. He placed it face down on the seat next to him. He deluded him self into thinking that if he didn't look at it, then this could all be a horrible nightmare. He could wake up at anytime if he didn't see her face.

Why did all of these rooms look the same, he wondered as he picked up a magazine, and studiously ignored the picture beside him? Maybe the same interior decorator has a contract with all the builders, and that person had absolutely no imagination. His gaze kept going back to the picture beside him. He wanted to look at it but he couldn't. He wanted to stay in denial.

He reached over and touched it. The picture felt warm. It almost seemed to say, "Dr. Reid turn me over, you know you want to." He withdrew his hand as if it had been scalded by boiling oil. He turned back to the magazine, and began the same article again. His eyes strayed back to the picture on the chair again.

_Come on Dr Reid. Just one look and you will know for sure, she's your daughter._

_That's the problem, I don't want to know. I want to believe this is a dream._

_Why don't you want to know? Why do you want it to be a dream?_

_Because if it's a dream, then that means I wake up, go on with my life without Elle._

_Oh, so we found the key, you're in love with her._

_No, I am not in love with Elle_

_Yes, you are, stopping avoiding it._

_No, I won't believe it._

He reached over grabbed the photo and turned it over. Oh God, there she was. She was beautiful. She looked like Elle, but those were his eyes, staring back at him. It was real, it was true, and this wasn't a dream.

He felt like he'd been kicked in the stomach. His daughter was real, and she was in this damn hospital. He stood and he paced, he didn't stop till Elle came in.

"It's time Spencer, time for you to see your little girl."

Now he knew what it felt like to take that long last walk to the place of execution. His life as he knew it was over. There was no turning back - there never was a different path for him. It had been set in stone the day he first laid eyes on Elle.


	4. Passions collide

A/n all the same warnings apply. Thank to all who have reveiwed.

Reid didn't want the long walk down the hospital corridor to end. As long as he remained out side, and away from Kara, he could believe it was all a dream. Dreams do end though, how well he knew that. He'd wanted Elle always near him and she left. That meant Kara could leave too.

For the millionth time in six years, he kicked himself for not listening to his instincts that told him to seek Elle out, and settle things with her. He should have been more assertive all those years ago. But no, that wouldn't have worked; Elle was a different person now. He could see she was. Maybe in time - but no here they were at Pediatric ICU. It was time.

The nurse showed him the room, and he opened the door alone. He almost didn't go in. He suddenly wanted Elle with him. What if Kara woke up? What would he do then? He wasn't ready for this. With a deep sigh and shaking hands, he passed through the door and into her room.

He thought that he would be prepared for what he saw. What he actually saw nearly drove him to his knees. He saw a small child with Elle's hair sticking out from under a bandage on her head. He realized then why Elle had given him the picture. Kara's face was bruised badly enough to obscure who she was. She had a lot of dressing on her extremities. She had an intubation tube and ventilator over her mouth and nose. In spite of it all, she was the most beautiful thing, besides her mother he'd ever seen.

Tears, hot and salty, formed in his eyes as he sat next to her bed. He took her small hand in his. He couldn't say anything. All the speeches he'd had in his head went away as he looked at her small body. She was so fragile and helpless. How was he supposed to be her father? He would've freaked out six years ago to be a dad, but at least he would've had some warning. This was all too sudden and scary for him. What about her? Would she like him? He'd never thought about that… her needs. He guessed he better learn if he was going to be her father.

He leaned over her, and kissed her forehead. It was cool, thank God. She didn't move, or seem to realize he was there. He continued to silently cry, and pray at the same time that she would be okay. He wanted a chance to know her, and to love her as a father should.

He began to talk to her. He told her about his life. He told her about her grandmother, before and after her descent in the paranoid schizophrenia. He explained his own strange child hood, and how he'd gone to college at the same age as most kids where going through puberty. He told her about his job. He explained his relationship with her mother, and his loss of Gideon whom he loved like a father.

"I wish you could have known him my precious girl, he would've loved you so much."

His voice was hoarse, and he could hardly speak anymore. He looked at his watch, and realized that an hour had passed. He kissed her cheek, and got up to leave. He couldn't bear this place any longer. He would go back to the waiting room, and hope she woke up soon.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He went back to the waiting room, and woke Elle; she jumped then relaxed when she saw him standing over her. He looked so unhappy. Her heart squeezed with guilt again. She should have told him long ago, how would she make it up to him, could she make it up to him? She left him to wait, and went back to her child. How much longer would this go on?

She sat there, and talked to her girl much like Spencer had, and tried to explain to her the reasons for her secrets. She realized there were no good reasons, and like Spencer she began to pray that this would be over soon. Her girl would wake up, and she could get to know her father. Soon her exhaustion overcame her again, and she fell asleep with her head on Kara's bedside. Out in the waiting room Spencer slept as well, but it wasn't restful for either one of them.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When morning came again, Elle was asleep in a chair in the waiting room, and Spencer slept on the uncomfortable couch. They took turns with Kara again for another day, and finally a nurse convinced them both to go home, and get some rest. Elle didn't want to leave, but Spencer bullied her gently into his SUV.

"Elle if you go home it doesn't mean you don't love you daughter. If you work yourself into exhaustion and sickness how do you expect to be there for her?"

"Spencer what if she wakes up, I don't want her to wake up all alone in that place."

"Honey the nurses will call us. We'll come back as quick as we can, ok?"

She knew he was right, and let him lead her to his car. When they arrived at Elle's she really was for the first time how big of an emotional price he was paying. There were large circles under his eyes, his clothes were crumpled, and he wore two days growth of beard. She made a quick decision.

"Spencer, why don't you stay here, you're as exhausted as I am, there no need for you to drive to your hotel."

"I already told you once; I don't think that's a good idea."

"Come one I have a perfectly good guest room, all we are going to do is sleep, now stop arguing and come into the house."

This was the Elle he knew, the one he couldn't argue with, he got out of the car and followed her into the house. The sun was just setting. The sky was a riot of reds, purples and gold. It was beautiful. Would his little girl see another sunset? Then Elle hand was on his arm.

"Don't think like that, I need you to be strong for me and for Kara… please Spencer."

Her eyes saw everything which was something else he'd forgotten about her. He let her lead him into her house and show him up to her guest room.

"I'm just down the hall if you need anything. There is a bathroom through that door and towels if you want a shower." She smiled a wan smile, and left him to his own thoughts.

He took another long hot shower, and climbed into bed. He was asleep in seconds. Down the hallway Elle was too exhausted to sleep. Instead she lay tossing and turning on her bed, wondering why she had invited him into her house. She should've let him go to his hotel. She turned over again moving the pillow into a more comfortable position, which last for about five minutes. After an hour of this, she gave up. Maybe some hot milk would help her to relax. She pulled on a robe, and quietly opened the door to her room. The house was well made, and the floorboards didn't creak as walked silently down the hall.

She moved confidently in the darkness till she passed by the door to the guestroom when a sound stopped her. She listened, but could only hear the sound of her heartbeat. She took a step forward and - there it was again a cry of such anguish and misery that she turned back, and automatically put her hand on the door knob. As she was tuning the knob he screamed. She threw open the door, and turned on the light. The light dazzled her eyes for a moment, and then they adjusted. Spencer was sitting up in bed screaming his eyes open, but she thought he might still be asleep.

She moved quickly to his side, and sat done on the edge of the bed. She began to speak to him in low comforting tones, the way she would have with Kara. It took a minute but his eyes cleared, and he saw her for the first time. He reached out, and pulled her into his arms. She could feel the way his heart slammed in his chest.

"Hey what's wrong Spence?"

"It was so awful Elle, I know it was a dream but it seemed so real. You were dead and my Kara was dead and-"

'Shh baby… it was just a dream, you see I'm here and Kara's okay too."

"But she's not okay; she's still in a coma."

"She's going to wake up Spencer, I know she will."

She continued to hold him close, and without knowing how it happened she nuzzled his neck, kissing the pulse point, which had slowed, but now began to pound again. It was like a replay of that night so long ago. Her mind began to count the reasons why she shouldn't do this, but her heart over ruled her mind. It had been so long, and she was so tired and upset by the last three days. Surely it wasn't wrong to take comfort from the man she loved.

"**God damn it Elle what the hell are you doing?"**

He pushed her away and scrambled off the other side of the bed. He backed away from her till his backside hit the wall. He couldn't believe she was trying to do this to him again. Did she think he was stupid or that he had no self control. He was angry with her and himself because as much as he didn't want it, his body was responding to her. He'd gone painfully hard when she'd kissed him.

"Babe, please I need you tonight and I think you need me."

"Are you kidding me, I have one bad dream and you think you can erase six years of torment with a little seduction. You haven't learned anything have you?"

"**Don't you dare speak to me like that Spencer Reid, you act like you are pure in all of this. You were the one that let me seduce you. You were a very willing participant as I recall."**

"**I don't believe you, you refuse to take responsibility for your own actions. My God, you shot a man Elle, did that experience not teach you any thing. When I innocently go to your hotel room to help you, you push yourself on me. I'm only human and a man what was I supposed to do. Do you think you're the only one that's damaged in this room. Get over yourself already."**

She'd advanced on him and at this last sentence she reached out and slapped him across the face as hard as she could.

"**How dare you preach to me Dr Reid, about self control. You could have said no to me, you could have walked out, but you didn't. You took what I offered you and enjoyed it**.

He was speechless mostly because she was right, he'd enjoyed the night six years ago. If he'd walked out on her that night, Kara wouldn't exist. How could he hope for that to be true? She was confusing him again.

"Get out of here Elle I don't want you in here. I just want to get some rest."

Elle suddenly threw her arms around him and began to cry. He pulled away from her. He couldn't believe she was trying to manipulate him like this.

"Stop it Elle, I knew this was a bad idea, I'm getting out of here and going back to my hotel where I can have some peace and quiet."

"I love you Spencer," she said quietly

"What did you just say."

"I love you!"

"Please don't say that Elle, I'm not as naive as I used to be."

"It's true Spencer, it's why I stayed away. I swore I would never be vulnerable again and loving you made me vulnerable."

He was stunned at her revelation. Was this true or was she messing with his head again. He wanted it to be true, he was desperately in love with her. He wanted a happy ending, but he didn't think it was possible with her.

"I want to believe you Elle, but your track record stinks. How do I know you're not just playing with me again?"

He advanced on her and she backed away from the fire and distrust in his eyes. "I want to believe you, but how can I. You used me to hurt your friends, what do you expect me to believe about you."

"I expect you to believe that I love you and that I want you to help me. I didn't want that help six years ago but I need you now."

"I don't know if I can help you Elle, you never wanted help before, why now."

"Because you're here and we have a daughter. I want her parents to have a normal relationship.

"Elle we are so far down the scale of normal, it doesn't even register."

"Please Spencer forgive me, lets start over."

He didn't answer instead he kissed her hard his tongue demanded entrance to her mouth. He pushed her against the wall and pulled her hands over her head trapping her against the wall. She struggled against him till she felt the hard bulge of his erection. She relaxed, and his kiss grew softer, till he pulled away from her but still held her hands pinned above her head.

"Say you love me Elle."

"I love you Spencer," she breathed barely able to stand and he'd only kissed her. The heat between them caught fire and he released her arms but only to pull off her robe and nightgown. His erection leaped at the sight of her naked body.

At first he drank her in with his eyes, moving from her beautiful eyes down to her large breasts. He was pleased to see he had the same effect on her as she did on him. The nipples were erect and hard. His eyes moved down her flat belly, to the patch of curly hair above her center, down her legs to her cute toes. She endured the scrutiny without a word.

He wore only a pair of sweats from her ex-boyfriends pile. He pushed them to the floor. She tried to move around him to the bed but he shook his head, and pushed her back against the wall.

"Spencer I-"

"Shh, baby," he said his voice had descended several octaves and was hard with suppressed passion. "You wanted this, now you'll take what I give you."

He leaned in, and kissed her softly brushing his tongue over her lower lip asking for entrance to her mouth, which she gave. She moaned into his mouth as his tongue moved over hers. He pulled back, and began to kiss his way down to the healed scar on her chest. He let his tongue slid down it to one breast. She cried out when his mouth found the nipple, and sucked on it.

His hands roamed all over her body, as his mouth moved down to her belly kissing, around her navel as her hips began to buck against him. His erection was throbbing painfully, but he was going to make this last for as long as he could.

His hands reached her center first, and he was pleased to find her hot and wet for him. He knelt and his mouth found her sensitive nub and kissed it. She cried out, and she writhed under his mouth. His tongue flicked into her as he tasted her juices. He pulled back as she whimpered in protest.

"Shh baby, I just wanted to taste you again. You taste just like I remember."

He inserted first one, then two fingers in side her, and began to thrust with his hand. His thumb rubbed her clit with hard swift strokes and then soft light ones… He stopped just short of her completion. He looked up at her and said, "Tell me you love me Elle."

"Spencer please…"

"Say it Elle!"

"I love you Spencer!"

"Good girl," he resumed thrusting his fingers into her. He began to stroke her as before and this time he let her finish.

"Scream for me baby, scream my name" She came, screaming his name and that she loved him.

He got to his feet, and lifted her into his arms, her legs wrapped around his waist. He put one knee to the wall for leverage. She cried out again when he lowered her over his shaft and began to thrust into her. He thrust in hard and fast trying to go deeper with each push The feel of her inner muscle clenching around his erection was almost too much to bear, but he continued to hold back.

"Spencer, oh baby I love you Spencer."

He couldn't hold back any longer, his thrusts became more frantic and erratic; she dug her nails into his back as he came, his seed spurting inside her, and pushing her over the edge again.

"Elle," he screamed. "Oh… my sweet Elle… I love you." He repeated those three words over, and over. His legs were jelly and he slowly lowered her to the floor.

"Wow when did you get strong enough to do that, Dr Reid," she said, when she could draw a breath."

"Morgan's got me lifting weights."

"You still look skinny. By the way, tell Derek when you see him I said thanks."

He laughed and she relaxed a little maybe this could work for them after all. She got into his bed and after a minute he joined her. He got serious again and he said.

"I can't believe we did this again, and we picked another inappropriate time, too."

"Spencer, I'm not sorry this time, we needed each other. These last few days have been hell."

"But what does it mean, you said you love me, but you kept my child from me. How do we get past that?"

"I do love you Spencer; I was afraid all of these years. I wanted you to love me back, but not just for my child. I wanted you, the whole package. I was afraid you couldn't give me what I wanted."

"Damn it Elle all of these wasted years, if we would have talked to each other long ago then maybe-"

"No I don't think that's true, I don't think we were ready for this until today, do you?"

"I know your right, but that doesn't mean I didn't miss you terribly."

"I'm sorry Spence, sorry that I used you to get revenge on the BAU. I'm sorry you missed so much of Kara's life. I'm sorry for everything."

"I know baby," He said, and kissed the top of her head, breathing in the scent of her shampoo, vanilla and some other spices.

They talked for a long time, catching up on all they had missed in one another. When Elle's hand moved down, and found his cock again he jerked and started to protest. She silenced him with a kiss to his lips then to his chest and nipples.

She moved slowly down his long, lean body. When her mouth found his swollen cock, and she kissed it, he froze.

"Relax baby, I'm just returning the favor."

She felt him relax a little, and she licked her way around his head. Her tongue moved down the under side of his cock, and she massaged his balls with one hand, while the other hand moved up and down his shaft. He moaned, and began to thrust his hips in time with her hand. She replaced her hand with her mouth. She licked his head, and blew on it, he cried out.

"Elle I can't - I'm gonna cum soon."

She took his length into her mouth. She'd taken in most of it, and began to suck as hard as she could. He cried out again, and a flood of warm salty liquid filled her mouth. She managed to swallow all of it with out choking. She released him slowly, her teeth grazing up the shaft. His flaccid member dropped from her mouth, and she smiled at him as she licked the last of the cum off her lips.

"Jesus baby… where did you learn to do that," He was still shuddering for the power of the orgasm.

"I'm from Brooklyn… remember," she said with the saucy smile he'd missed all these years.

They both laughed, and soon were sleeping deep in each others arms. It was 5 am when the phone by the bed rang. Elle fumbled it off the cradle, almost dropping it.

"Yeah," she said sleepily, and then she shot up in bed. "What, okay we'll be right there what, no he's here with me you don't need to call him. Thank you."

She turned on the light, and smiled widely at a disoriented Spencer.

"She's awake baby, our little girl is awake. She's going to be okay."

He held her as she cried, his own tears mingling with hers.


	5. Telling Kara

**A/n Thanks to all who have reviewed. Here's the next chapter.**

Elle provided Spencer with clothes from the ex-boyfriends pile. While he dressed, she put on the coffee pot. She found the sugar bowl, and left it out for him as she assumed he still liked a lot of sugar with his coffee.

She was right; he still drank his coffee that way. After opening numerous cabinets, he found to mugs with lids for them, so they could head right out the door.

On the drive to the hospital, he was very quiet. He wondered where his relationship with Elle was headed. He wanted it to work out for them. One undeniable fact remained. Elle Greenaway was damaged, even if she refused to admit it to herself. He loved her in spite of her flaws. What he didn't know was if he could live with them.

He wanted to stay with her; Kara deserved to have both of her parents every day. The last thing he wanted to do was leave and go back to being alone. He didn't want his little girl to know him then have him only as a part-time father. It was going to be hard enough to parent her with his job. He still remembered how much Hotch had tried to make it work. He had failed and had left the BAU at the first opportunity. Reid loved his job, he fit in there, he didn't want to leave.

"Spencer, what are you thinking?"

Since hiding things had only got him into trouble, he told her exactly what he'd been thinking. If she were surprised by his honesty, and bluntness, it didn't show on her face.

"We don't have to decide anything now."

"Elle, have you thought about what we are going to say to her."

"Of course I have, I haven't thought about anything else for the last two days."

"I don't think we should tell her that I am her father. She's been through a terrible ordeal. Let's not upset her, or tell her something she won't understand."

"She's smart Spencer; I think she might figure it out."

"What about your other boyfriends, what do you tell her about them?"

"I don't have boyfriends; I have one night stands that can't measure up to you."

"Elle, please stop with the flattery, it makes me nervous."

"What would you have me say Spencer, do you want me to insult you?"

"Yeah… I do…because that's the Elle I remember. She didn't take crap from anyone - she was a strong-willed opinionated woman. That's the Elle Greenway I once knew, the one I fell in love with."

"I know Spencer, I don't know where she went, it's like I'm a spectator in my own life. I don't know how to change back to the person I was."

"You said you wanted me to help you. I will try Elle… I love you too much to just walk away."

"I know you do Spencer, I will try I promise."

Most of the rest of the drive to the hospital was done in silence. Seeing his daughter awake. was going to be a lot different then seeing her in a coma. She would be able to speak, and maybe ask him questions he didn't have the answers to. He wished he could tell her everything, and make her understand, but she was only five. How could he do that?

Eventually, they did reach the hospital parking lot. His hands were shaking as he released the catch on his seatbelt, and opened the door. He joined Elle at the front of the SUV. She reached for his hand, and stilled the trembling by taking it, and walking with him to the entrance of the building.

As they got nearer, and nearer to the room where there child waited, his heart began to pound so hard he became a little light headed. He stopped abruptly nearly causing Elle to fall.

"Spencer what the hell-"

"I'm sorry Elle. I don't think it's a good idea for me to go in there with you. I don't want to scare, or confuse her. Please, could you just go in, and try to explain. I'm not trying to abandon you… I just think it would be better this way."

She wanted to argue with him, she needed him by her side, but she knew he was right; she had to break the news to her daughter, and hoped the five year old would understand.

"Al right Spencer, I'll come get you when I think she's ready, ok?"

"Thank you."

She squeezed his hand one last time, and then continued down the hall to the door. He watched her open the door, and go inside. He went back to the waiting room and sat down. He watched all of the doubts he had about Elle, and his daughter play out on the screen of his mind.

His thoughts had one inevitable conclusion. Elle was damaged, he was damaged. Did they have the right, or the skills to raise their daughter together? He didn't know, and that was the problem. Until he knew for sure, he didn't want to confuse his little girl. How could he walk away from her now? While he tried to figure out what to do, Elle was trying to talk to her daughter about her father.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Elle entered the Kara's room, shutting the door quietly behind her. Kara was awake, and playing with a stuffed tiger some kind soul had given her. She looked up, and a wide smile broke her face.

"Mommy, I missed you. Where were you, I'm scared? Why am I here?"

"Oh, my darling I know, I'm sorry you woke up alone baby."

Elle sat down on the bed next to Kara, and hugged her awkwardly. She carefully kissed Kara's cheek, and clasped her daughter's good hand.

"Mommy can we go home now, I want to go home with you, I hate it here." She burst into tears, and cried stormily while Elle stroked her hair, and spoke in low comforting tones.

"Honey, I know you do, but you got hurt in an accident, and you didn't wake up for a long time. Mommy was so scared."

Kara regarded her with a surprised expression. She didn't know that Mommies got scared, too.

"Are you still scared, Mommy?"

"No baby, not anymore, the doctor said you are going to be just fine. You have to stay here for a little while till your all better."

"Why can't I get better at home? I want my paper and my crayons!" Her eyes grew huge, and she began to cry again. "Mommy, I missed drawing the animals in class, Mrs. Jenkins is going to be mad at me."

"No, sweetheart, I promise I'll call her, and explain, she'll be very sorry you're hurt."

"She will," Kara looked as if she didn't believe it, even though she loved her teacher, and they had fun together.

"Of course she will, she loves you Kara, and I wouldn't be surprised if you get a visit from her."

"Really Mommy?"

"Really, my little kitten. Don't you worry?"

Kara giggled at her nickname, and soon the tears were over. They talked for a long while. Elle had to report on the condition of all of Kara's dolls. She explained that they missed their "mommy" very much. This seemed to please the little girl very much. She also assured Kara that her drawing pencils, and paper were in their drawer, and that she hadn't touched them, or used them in anyway.

When Elle judged it was time, she began to explain to Kara about her father. She told her that he was alive, but he didn't know about her till just the other day. She tried to explain why Spencer hadn't visited her before, but she didn't think Kara understood. Kara didn't seem to be mad at Elle for not telling her about her daddy, instead she seemed only curious about Spencer.

Elle tried to explain all about him, his job, how smart, and handsome he was. She told her about how he'd tried to help her mommy one night, but she'd been mean to him After that night, she'd left, and then Kara had been born, and mommy didn't know what to do after that.

"Mommy why were you mean to my Daddy, was he mean to you?"

No, kitten your Daddy is never mean to anyone. You see, a bad man hurt mommy really bad, and when mommy got better she was angry with your Daddy, and all their friends. You see mommy thought your daddy, and her friends left her alone, and that's why the bad man could hurt her."

"Did they leave you all alone?" I don't like to be alone, it's scary."

Yes, baby it is scary. No, your daddy didn't leave me alone. You see, my friends didn't know the bad man would come after me, they thought I was safe. It wasn't their fault."

_Oh God how liberating it was to say those words, why hadn't she known it would be and said them sooner_.

"Then why did you get mad at Daddy, and do mean things to him."

_Yes Elle, why did you hurt Spencer that night? _

Tears fell down her cheeks, and she realized that the truth could be found out of the mouths of babes. She struggled for a long time for the right words. Kara only watched her with Spencer's guileless eyes.

"Honey sometime adults hurt others because they think they hurt them first. Do you remember when Joey pushed you down on the playground, and you cut your leg. You said you wanted to push him down, too. You wanted him to hurt like he hurt you, right?"

Kara nodded, and Elle continued. "Well, sometimes mommies, and daddies aren't always nice to each other, we hurt each other.

"You said I should never hurt another person, even if they hurt me first."

"I know baby, and that's right, but sometimes adults make mistakes, just like little girls."

"They do," Kara spoke as if she couldn't believe this new development. She thought her mother never did anything bad, or wrong.

"Yes my darling, they do, everyone makes mistakes."

Kara leaned down, and closed the matter with a kiss to Elle's hand. Elle began to cry, and she again tried to hug her daughter. She felt for the first time that she might be able to heal if she had Spencer, and Kara to help her.

"Honey your daddy is waiting to see you. Is it okay if he comes in to say hello?"

"Yes mommy I want to see him."

"Ok, I'll be right back.

Elle got up, and went out to the waiting room to find Spencer. He was sitting in a chair, and not reading the magazine in front of him. He didn't hear her call out to him, and he jumped when she touched his arm.

"Hey, babe"

"Is she alright?" He leapt up from his chair, his eyes huge with fear, and worry.

"Relax Spencer, she's doing fine, but she wants to meet you."

He gulped, and began to tremble. "She does, are you sure she'd ready?"

"I explained everything to her as best I could… I think she understands a bit."

He nodded, and turned for the door. They walked down the hallway together. Entering that door was the hardest thing he'd ever done.


	6. Meeting Kara

**A/n sorry for the long wait on the update. Real life intruded for awhile.**

**Same warnings and disclaimer apply. **

The door to Kara's room opened silently on well oiled hinges. Kara had gone back to playing with her stuffed tiger while she waited for Spencer to come in. He wondered as he took his first look at her awake, if she was as nervous as he was. Elle followed him into the room, and the door closed with a snick that seemed louder than a gunshot.

Kara looked up, and Spencer once again felt like someone had punched him in the stomach. It was completely unnerving to see his own eyes looking out from the beautiful little girl in the hospital bed. And she was pretty in spite of the bruising and the cast on her arm. Tears threatened again, and he held them back by force of will. He didn't want her to see him cry, and be afraid of him.

Elle walked forward, and took her daughters good hand. She smiled at her and said, "Honey this is your daddy, his name is Spencer Reid."

Spencer stood back as Elle spoke to Kara. He was rooted to the spot afraid to speak or breathe. Kara looked at him curiously, and asked in a hesitant voice, "You're my daddy?"

He moved forward to stand beside Elle. "Yes Kara I am, I'm very happy to meet you."

His heart was pounding so hard he was sure that it could be heard all over the hospital. He felt dizzy, and faint, the light in the room was more golden, and brighter than it should be. He sat down in the chair by the bed. He couldn't think of anything else to say. How did one talk to a five year old. Once again the rage he'd felt at Elle surfaced. If he had been there from the beginning, he would know exactly what to say to her. Then he remembered the drawing he'd carried around since finding it in Elle's living room. He pulled it out of his pocket, and unfolded it slowly.

"I found this at your house, will you tell me about it?" He smiled, and passed the paper over to her.

She took the picture, and looked at it then at him with a tiny smile. She was breathtaking, and he didn't know how he could walk away from her again, no matter what happened with Elle. "It's a picture of my house, and there's me, and my mommy," she said, pointing out each figure in turn.

"You did a very good job, do you like to draw?"

She nodded enthusiastically, and launched into a highly technical explanation about the animals her class was supposed to draw the day of the accident. She explained to him that her teacher liked her best as her helper.

"May I keep this drawing Kara?" She pursed her lips, and Elle was again reminded of how much she looked like Reid when considering a problem. Then she seemed to come to a decision. She held it out to him to take.

"Thank you Kara, I'll keep it always." He wanted to hold her in his arms, but he refrained, he didn't want to scare her, but oh how hard it was not to hug her. He could see Elle watching him out of the corner of his eye. He knew she would be anxious for her daughter first, and him second.

The door swung open silently, and a nurse came into the room. She smiled at the group_, this must be the little girls parents, I'm glad she has a family to help her through her injuries. _

Kara's eyes lit up at the sight of the women. "Kai, my daddy came to see me!"

"Yes, little miss I can see that," She turned to Spencer and Elle.

"My name is Kai Swenson, you have beautiful little girl, she is full of sunshine." She was plain but her face was kind. She spoke with a Swedish accent, and was blond, blue eyed and plump.

"It's time for medicine, little miss." She approached the bed with her tray.

Kara made a horrible face, and said, "Do I have to take it." She turned to Spencer and said, "It's yucky,"

"Sometimes we have to do things, or eat things we don't like because their good for us," Spencer said trying to be serious and not laugh.

She scowled at him, and said, "That's what mommy says too."

"Your mother's right and I promise you'll feel better."

"Ok," she said, heaving a melodramatic sigh. Spencer watched her take the little plastic cup of liquid medicine, and drink it down, grimacing as she did. He noticed for the first time that she had his hands.

_Do my fingers really look like that?_

He looked at his own fingers, and realized that they really were that long and delicate. _It's amazing the things we really don't notice about ourselves. _He wondered what else this child would teach him about himself. He was surprised to find that he wanted her to teach him new things. He wanted to learn what it was like to tuck a child into bed, or kiss them good bye on their way to school. He longed to do a hundred things with her, teach her to read, or tie her shoes, or watch her draw a sunset.

"Hey Spencer, you ok?" He looked up, and saw the nurse had left, and both Elle and his daughter were looking at him rather strangely.

"Oh yeah… guess I zoned out for a minute, I'm a little tired." Elle was surprised that he could still blush like that; she'd thought he would've out grown that a long time ago.

He felt a hand touch his, and he looked down to see Kara's hand clutching his. "Its okay daddy, I'm tired too." Indeed she was the medicine must have contained a sedative because her eyes were fluttering closed.

How could he explain what it felt like to hear her call him daddy? He felt as though nothing bad in the world could every touch him again as long as she was in his life.

Soon her eyes were completely closed, he turned to Elle and she said, "The nurse said it was just a mild sedative she'll be out for a few hours."

He rubbed his hand over his face and eyes, last night with Elle had really wiped him out. It had also left him feeling confused, and vulnerable. He hadn't meant to let her get to him like that; he thought he'd learned to be strong where she was concerned, instead they were right back where they started.

It appeared that neither one of them had learned anything in the last six years. Why was it that all they could do, was hurt each other? Sure the sex was phenomenal, but he wanted more than that with Elle, he just didn't know if she wanted it. She said she loved him, and he really wanted to believe it was true. How could he, she had taken his daughter from him, and the only reason he knew about her now was due to the accident. What if the accident hadn't happened? Would he still be in the dark about his daughter? He didn't know, and that was what was killing him.

"Spencer, did you hear what I said," She was very concerned about him; he looked like this had been too much to fast. She berated herself for it, if she hadn't been so selfish, and a coward, he could've had years with his daughter. When would she stop screwing things up?

"What… Oh yeah, I was just thinking. Listen; if she's going to be asleep for awhile, there are some things I need to take care of back at my apartment. For one thing, I need my own clothes, and I need to talk to Morgan again, and bring him up to date on what's happening here."

Al right baby, now that I know she's okay I'm going to try to get some sleep. I wish you would do the same."

"I can't Elle, I need some space, and time to process what happened between us last night." He got up, and followed her out the door of Kara's room, after he kissed her on the fore head.

"I'm sorry Spencer, I know what I did last night was wrong. Hell, everything I've done since Randall Gardner shot me has been wrong. I just want it to stop, I want to get my life back on track, and not damage that sweet girl with my hang ups."

What could he say to that, he knew she was right, but she wasn't the only one at fault? He had his own insecurities. How was he going to cope with a teen age daughter when he'd never been a real kid or teenager himself? Who would she go to for advice on growing up when his years as an adolescent had been so atypical?

_Hey genius, she's going to have a mother, don't put all of this on yourself. _

He knew that, but it didn't make being Kara's father any easier to contemplate. They entered an elevator and rode down in silence, mostly because he didn't know what to say to her that would sound like judgment or an accusation. Outside the hospital the sun was shining merrily and it hurt his eyes. Would the sun ever be a happy thing again? Elle pulled out her phone and called a cab. They separated without so much as a word, or a look.

Reid spent most of the drive thinking about Kara. How was he going to stay in her life, and continue to do his job? He remembered once that Morgan had said that people like them didn't have time for relationships, and family. Now he wondered if Morgan was right, was that the reason Morgan hadn't married Garcia, he wanted to have an out with her. Reid didn't want an out, he wanted a way to stay in Elle and Kara's lives on a full time basis.

He sat for a long time in his SUV upon reaching Quantico. He didn't want to do what he was about to do, but he felt he didn't have a choice. His priorities had shifted; Kara was the most important thing now. He got out of the vehicle, and walked across the parking garage to the elevator. He wondered as he rode it up how Morgan would react to his news.


	7. Saying goodbye

**A/n all the same warnings and disclaimers apply for this chapter. If you like it, please use the little button at the bottom of the page to send a review.**

He sat for a long time in his SUV upon reaching Quantico. He didn't want to do what he was about to do, but he felt he didn't have a choice. His priorities had shifted; Kara was the most important thing now. He got out of the vehicle, and walked across the parking garage to the elevator. He wondered as he rode it up, how Morgan would react to his news.

His heart squeezed as the doors opened, and he saw many friends and coworkers. He received many frank stares, curious glances, and outright smiles and greetings. He ignored all of them. He knew the rest of his team wondered where he'd disappeared to for the last three days. They would have to wait though; he had to deal with Morgan.

He ran up the steps, and down the hall to what used to be Gideon's office, and tapped on the door. A distracted "Come in." reached though the doors, and once again sent his heart pounding. Morgan had become one of his best friends, and he didn't want to let him down.

He opened the door, and stepped through as Unit Chief Derek Morgan ended a phone call. Reid had been floored when Morgan accepted the job that had literally killed Gideon. He'd never seen Derek as the type of person to deal with the office politics that came with this job. He was surprisingly good at it. He'd only been in this position for two years, but already it fit him like a glove.

"Hey Reid, I see you decided to join us today."

His smile hadn't changed, it was still full of mischief, but he tried not to tease Spencer as much as he had in the old days. After all, Reid was the most experienced agent on the team now, save Morgan himself, and he deserved respect.

"Look, Derek I'm really sorry about the last few days I-"

"Hey man… you don't have to apologize, your family takes priority. I hope you're going to give me good news though. I assume that since you're here, your daughter is okay."

"Yes, she's alright Derek, bumps and bruises, a broken arm and two ribs, but she'll be okay." He flushed and smiled widely "I got to meet her earlier today after she woke up."

"That's great, how did it go?"

"It was awkward, and I didn't have a clue what to say to her, but other then that it went fine." He tried to smile again, but couldn't quite do it.

"Reid… would you stop putting so much pressure on yourself. You only knew of her existence as of three days ago."

"That's the problem, I know that Elle is at fault, but I keep feeling like I should have done something more at the time."

"Like what, Reid," Morgan asked, his tone telling Reid again to stop blaming himself.

"Morgan, you know only what I told you, that Kara is a result of a one night stand with Elle six years ago. I didn't tell you that it happened that night in the motel. I went to her room and she'd been drinking. Do you remember?" Morgan nodded, and made himself not smile at the younger agent's obvious discomfort. Reid was not a ladies man as Morgan had been before he started seeing Garcia. Talking about what happened in the hotel room was going to be very difficult.

"What I didn't tell you is that she was drunk, she told me in detail what Gardner did to her and the next thing I know she's half naked and kissing me. I was weak I let her seduce me, I've tried to tell myself for the last six years that it was all her fault, but I wanted what happened to occur, I was in love with her. I still am."

He wanted to hide, he sort of hoped the floor would open up, and swallow him so he didn't have to look at Derek, and see the look of pity in his eyes. He accepted what Reid said with out comment, or judgment, and Reid wanted to hate him for it. At the very least, he deserved condemnation for his actions. He and Elle had to live with the consequences of their actions, but Kara was innocent.

As for Morgan, he'd thought since the young man told him about Kara, that this was what had happened. The team had known at the time that something was very wrong with her, and they hadn't helped. He admired Reid for going to her, and trying to help, it was more than any of the rest of them had done.

"Damn it Reid stop beating yourself up, what's done is done. I'm only sorry I didn't listen to you six years ago when you tried to talk to me about it."

Reid had made a couple of vague comments about his visit to Elle's hotel room, and Morgan had blown him off about it. After that Elle had left, and Reid had never mentioned her again. Derek had known for years that Reid missed their former team mate, but he'd blinded himself to the fact that the young man might be in love with her.

"I should have tried harder to talk to you, maybe you could've helped, and I might have known my daughter years ago."

"It doesn't matter Spencer, you have to go forward."

"I know Derek, that's why I am here. I can't continue to do what I do for a living, and hope to have the kind of relationship I want with my daughter, and her mother." He pulled his gun out of his holster, and laid it on Morgan's desk, and then added his badge.

"I have to give you my resignation Derek, and I hope you can understand."

"I understand your reasons Spencer, but are you really sure this is what you want to do? I don't want you to regret this decision one day."

"I don't know what else to do, I've missed so much of her life, and I have to a make it up to her."

"All right, but what are you going to do now?"

"I'm not sure, but I'll call you when I've made a decision." He stood to leave. Derek got to his feet, strode over to him, and engulfed him in a big hug.

"I'm going to miss having you around, and the BAU will miss your talents."

"I'll miss you guys too." He had to get out of the there before he began to blubber like a baby.

"Derek, would you please explain things to the team, I can't stop, I need to get out of here, and back to my apartment. I need to pick up a few things, and then I'm going back to the hospital.

"Okay, I'll take care of it. You have to stop, and say goodbye to Penelope, or she'll be pissed at me if you don't."

"Well, I don't want to be responsible for her wrath; I'll go talk to her now."

"I'll miss you Spencer, you know that."

"Hey, I'll still be living in DC, we'll talk." But Spencer knew that they wouldn't, at least not often, not with Derek on the BAU. He regretted the loss of a friend, and a brother, but it couldn't be helped. He needed to focus on his daughter. He left Derek's office, and went down the hall to Garcia's Sanctum Santorum. She called a distracted "Come in" when he knocked, but she smiled widely at him when she saw who was at her office door.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Well look who decided to grace us with his presence, the beautiful Dr. Reid!"

"Hello Penelope, I'm not interrupting anything important am I."

"Nothing that can't wait gorgeous, what's on your mind?" That was what he liked best about her; she didn't beat around the bush.

He explained everything to her, and she listened without interrupting him, which was nice for a change. "So you and Elle, huh, I got to admit I didn't see that one coming, but I have wondered for a long time why you're so unhappy. I'm surprised sugar, that she would do that to you."

"It surprised me too, but now that I know I have to get away from this place, Morgan doesn't understand he thinks -"

"Sugar, Morgan is a man, and he doesn't have a child to think about."

"How do you put up with it Penelope, you've been together for over five years, and he's never asked you to marry him. Don't most women find that annoying to say the least?"

"What makes you think he hasn't asked me, maybe I said no."

"Penelope!"

"All right, so he hasn't asked me. I love him, and I am willing to take what I can get. Besides, he's about to pop the question/"

"How do you know?"

"Ah Reid… that would be telling, but don't worry, when he does you'll be the first to know, after all I'll need a best man."

"Doesn't the groom usually have a best man?"

"Oh you poor silly boy, don't you know anything goes these days, and besides there isn't anyone else I want to stand up for me."

"I'm flattered, but what if Derek asks me to be his best man, then what?"

"Wow, aren't we a little full of ourselves, thinking everyone wants you to stand up for them." She laughed at the look on his face. "Just kidding, sweet thing, anyway does it really matter?"

He knew she wasn't just asking about wedding plans. He had to decide if what Elle did really mattered in the grand scheme of things, or should he just let it go and start over.

"I don't know the answer to that, I'll have to let you know later."

"All right Spencer, don't be a stranger, and good luck with Elle." She stood and hugged him, kissing his cheek.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He managed to get out the door without explaining himself to his teammates. They were good people, and he cared for all of them, but they didn't know Elle, and they wouldn't understand the reason he had to leave the BAU.

He breathed a sigh of relief as he got into his SUV. He knew that sooner, or later the reality of what he'd just done would set in, and he would question his own motives. For now he felt freer than he had in a long time. He began to think about the possibilities open to him.

One thing he wanted to do was take a trip to Las Vegas, and visit his mom. No one really understood the reasons he'd stayed away, but those reasons didn't matter anymore. He thought vaguely about taking Kara with him. He wanted her to know her grandmother. Then he thought that she was too young, and wouldn't understand the reasons her grandma couldn't leave that place. Was he equipped to make her understand?

As her drove toward his apartment, he had the terrible thought that Kara had inherited the genetic predisposition to Schizophrenia. He'd been lucky so far, he'd escaped the flowering of the disease within his own mind, but what about Kara? He couldn't bear it, if that sweet beautiful child one day descended into his mother's hell.

He pulled into the parking lot at the complex, and sat behind the wheel staring at nothing as his mind raced. He wouldn't tell her about her Grandmother, he refused to burden a child with that kind of knowledge. He would wait until she was older. He didn't know what he would tell her in the mean time. He supposed he could tell her that Diana was sick, and could leave the hospital.

He shook himself, and told himself to stop of obsessing about it. He had plenty of time to decide what to tell her. In the meantime, he needed to get another suitcase packed, and get back to DC, and the hospital. He hurried into his building, and packed up more clothes, and toiletries. He emptied out his refrigerator, and made a quick trip to the manager's office to let him know that he was going to be gone from his apartment indefinitely, but that he would be back eventually. He got back into his SUV, and began the drive back to DC, stopping on the way at on of the many strip malls along the way to make a purchase for Kara.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When he made it back to the hospital after stopping at the hotel for a shower, and change of clothes, he found Elle in the same waiting room where they had spent so much time. She looked exhausted again, and he didn't think she'd left that room all day. She may have been a lot of things, but he admired the fact that she was so dedicated to Kara.

"Hey Spence… you're back, did you take care of everything at the BAU?"

"Yeah, Morgan said to tell you hello."

"How is he doing theses days," She said, looking only marginally curious about her old teammate.

"He's fine; Penelope seems to think he's going to as her to marry him." Spencer sat down next to her and she said, "What makes her think he's going to propose?"

"I don't know, she wouldn't elaborate, but she said I would be the first call she makes when he does. Listen Elle, I told both of them what happened between us six years ago I -"

"Its ok babe, I know what I did was wrong. I'm sorry we all have to suffer so much for my bad judgment. I only hope that you'll forgive me one day for what I did."

"Elle please, I don't want to talk about that now. I want to see my girl, is she awake?"

"Yeah, she woke up about half and hour ago." She watched him get up without a word, and walk to Kara's room.


	8. A new start

**A/n this is the last chapter. Be advised there is extreme language and sexual content in this chapter. **

Opening the door to his daughter's room was only marginally easier than it had been earlier in the day. He was still overwhelmed by her, and the fact that she was his flesh and blood. She had seemed to accept him easily enough, and he didn't know whether to be happy, or dismayed. He stood looking at her for a moment. She hadn't heard the door open, and was looking out the window. There was a tree outside her window waving gently in the wind, and she seemed fascinated by this for some reason.

"Hello Kara," he said softly, he didn't want to frighten her. She turned to look at him, and he could see that she was crying.

"Hi Daddy," she said in a tear choked voice that tore at his heart.

"What's wrong my sweetheart? Are you in pain?" He sat in the chair next to her bed.

"I don't want to stay here anymore, but mommy says I have to. You can tell her daddy, you can say that I want to go home."

He didn't blame her for wanting to get out of that hospital bed. He hated hospitals, had spent too many sleepless nights in them, waiting to find out some news about his mother. He wanted to do what his girl wanted, and take her out of there, but he knew she had to stay put till the doctors said it was okay for her to leave.

_So this is the hard part of being a parent, saying no to your child when she's wants something she can't have._

"I know you don't like this place, I don't like it either, but you have to be patient. The doctors have to watch over you, and make sure that you head is okay."

"I fell out of bed last year, and hit my head and I didn't have to stay at this dumb old place, why do I have to stay now?"

He forced back a laugh, and wondered how to explain the difference between a slight bump on the head and, a concussion without scaring her.

"Tommy said that when you bump your head, you have to stay awake for a whole day cause if you go to sleep you won't wake up again. But I woke up, so I'm okay, so I can go home?"

"Who's Tommy?"

"A mean little boy in my class, he's always pushing me down. I think he's a liar." She said in a matter of fact way the made Spencer want to laugh.

Spencer knew what it was like to be pushed around, it had happened to him all through school. "Honey... Tommy was kind of right, see sometimes when we hit out heads hard we get a concussion, it's like a bruise on the brain. Do you know what a bruise is?"

She nodded, and seemed fascinated that a person could get a bruise on the inside. "So the doctors want to make sure the bruise doesn't make you sick in other ways, too.

"But I'm bored; I don't have anything to do." She was a little whinny, but Spencer didn't blame her. He reached down beside the chair, and picked up the bag he carried into the room.

"I bought something for you." He handed her the bag, and she opened it eagerly. Her eyes lit up like morning stars when she saw what was inside. There were drawing pencils, crayons, a large pad of paper, and an assortment of coloring books.

"Thank you Daddy, can I draw with them now." The smile on her face was worth everything, all of the heartache, and upset he'd had in the last three days.

"Yes, you can… but first I want to sign your cast, if that's okay."

"Okay Daddy."

He pulled a marker out of the bag, and signed his name with a flourish in purple ink. "There, now that cast has some color, and when your mom and all of your friends have signed it, it's going to look really great." She smiled, and he was strongly reminded of Elle, before the shooting. He prayed again to what ever power ruled the universe, that nothing like that would ever touch Kara.

He stayed with her for a long time, watching her use the art supplies. He talked to her about her school, and her teachers, and classmates. She was so happy, so much more than he had been when he was her age. Eventually he told her he was going to fetch her mother so she could spend time with her too. He knew Elle would want to know how her daughter was.

He said good night to Kara, and told her he would see her in the morning, and then he left to get Elle. After he watched Elle enter Kara's room, he left the hospital, and went back to his hotel. He knew it was a cowardly thing to do, but visiting hours would be over in a couple of hours, and he didn't want to be there when Elle left to go home. She would expect him to go home with her, and he didn't want to do that. He needed to keep her away from him when they were alone, or they would only end up in bed again.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

An insistent knock came at his hotel door pushing him out of sleep with its strident demands. He'd been sleeping lightly, or he wouldn't have heard it. He threw off the covers, and went to open it before someone complained, and the cops were called. Elle stood on the other side of the door, and she entered without waiting for an invitation.

"Elle… do you have any idea what time it is?"

"It's about two am Spencer, why didn't you wait for me at the hospital?" She sat down on the edge of the bed.

"You came all the way over here just to ask me that, you could've called Elle."

She was pulling off her shoes and socks. "Elle what are you doing, you can't possibly think you are going to stay here with me. Wasn't it obvious when I left, that I wanted to be alone?" She continued to ignore him, and pulled her shirt off.

"Damn it Elle, this is not going to happen again, do you hear me?" She dropped her jeans to the floor, and reached around to unhook her bra. It fell to the floor, followed by her panties, and she climbed into the bed.

"Come one Spencer, it's late, let's get some sleep." She said as though he would actually get into bed with her naked next to him.

"You are delusional Elle, but fine if you want to stay here, that's okay, just don't touch me. He climbed in beside her, and turned away from her to face the wall.

_I will not think about her. I will not remember last night, and how great it was. _

_She is a beautiful woman Spencer._

_She is also a liar._

_Who cares, she wants you, don't think about it just take what you want._

He rolled over then pulled her to him. She screamed a little, and then relaxed when his hand cupped her breast. His thumb grazed over her nipple, and she moaned.

"Spencer, I-"

"Shut up Elle, you came here for this, so don't complain now."

He kissed her; his tongue laved the inside of her mouth. He jerked when her hand found his cock; it was already hard, and throbbing. She began to run her hand up, and down his length. He ran his tongue down her neck, and he kissed and sucked, as one of his hands found her center, she was hot and wet for him.

"Hmm… Spencer…please don't stop."

He moved over her, and trust into her, moving fast and hard. "Elle... oh God... you feel so good, baby." His mouth found her breast again, and her head began to roll from side to side, on the pillows as he sucked on a nipple, moving back and forth between them, till they both ached.

"Jesus… Spencer I'm close baby." Her legs wrapped around his waist as his thrusts became faster, and more erratic

"Elle… I-" He let go as she crested, and they both came screaming together, her nails dragging painfully across his back. He came in several hard spurts, the last one pushing her over again, and she cried out his name. He lay on top of her till he got his breath back, then he pulled out of her and rolled off of her to lie on his back.

"You got what you wanted from me again, so please just get out of here now, and let me sleep."

"What did you say Spencer?" She couldn't believe he'd just been so unfeeling.

"You heard me Elle, you don't care about me, you only want what physical pleasure I can give you, I did what you wanted, it was great, but now I want you to leave."

"Spencer why are you doing this?"

"Oh come on Elle, you came here to get fucked. Well, I fucked you, and very well, judging by your screaming of my name. It's over, so leave, and I'll see you tommorow at the hospital."

"You're a real bastard Spencer, when did that happen to you, or have you always been this way." She got up, and began to gather her clothing.

"You're right, I used to be a nice guy, but that was before you fucked me, the fucked with my head. What did you expect to happen? Did you think I would remain the same naïve Dr Reid I always was."

"I told you I was sorry, why can't you forgive me." She pulled on her parties, and was trying to hook up her bra, but suddenly her fingers wouldn't work.

"Did you think that batting your eyelashes, and saying your sorry was going to cut it Elle, you took my baby from me, you left me in the dark about her for five years. How did you expect me to react?"

"I thought you would react like the Dr Reid I once knew." She managed to get her bra on and she sat down on the bed.

It suddenly got through to her what he'd been trying to do. This is how he must have felt that morning long ago, when she ordered him out of her bed, and her life. It hit her like it had never hit her before, and she was so ashamed. How had she become that person?

"I'm so sorry Spencer, for everything. I want your forgiveness, but I won't demand it again." She said it in such away, that he knew she'd finally realized what he'd been trying to do.

He pulled her down to him again, and this time, when he joined his body to hers, it was sweet and slow, just like she always imagined it could be with him. She was crying when she came, and he brushed the tears from her face.

"I'm sorry I was so hard on you Elle, but I had to make you understand. I've loved you for so long, that I can't change now. I want us to be together, but you have to let me help you work through what's left from Randall Gardner, and what he did to you. Will you let me try?"

"Yes baby... I promise I'll try."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next days passed in a rush of visiting Kara at the hospital, and getting to know her. He was also getting to know Elle again. They agreed to take it slow, no more sex until Kara was out of the hospital, and they could decide how they were going to explain their relationship to her.

The day she was released from the hospital was a wonderful sunny and warm day. He couldn't wait to leave, and never darken those doors again. Kara was excited, and she thought that riding in the wheelchair to his SUV was the best thing since he'd brought her the art supplies.

He drove her, and Elle, home telling her stories about their days together in the FBI. She was fascinated and, asked lots of questions. He pulled into the driveway at her house, and got out of the car to say goodbye. They had explained to her that daddy had his own place to live, but that he would come to see her everyday. He bent down to hug her; he kissed her on the cheek, and bit the inside of his mouth, so he wouldn't cry in front of her.

"Daddy, I made this for you." She handed him a folded sheet of paper. She whispered to him. "You can't look at it till you get to your house, promise."

"Ok… my sweet little girl, I promise. I'll see you tomorrow ok."

She began to cry, and his heart ripped in two, how was he going to do this everyday? "I love you Daddy."

It was the first time she'd said it to him, and the feelings it brought were so great that the tears did start to fall.

"I love you too, Kara." He got into his truck, and left before he could change his mind and stay. The drive back to his apartment had never seemed so long, and he was elated when it was over and he could finally take some time alone to try, and process what the last couple of weeks had brought. He entered the apartment, and opened the living room window to air it out.

He sat down in his easy chair, and unfolded the paper Kara had given him. It was a drawing of her house like the other he had, only in this one showed Kara, and Elle, and himself holding hands in front of the house. So this is what she wanted, her family together. He was going to try, he didn't know if life could be lived with Elle, but for the sake of Kara, and for his own heart's desires he was going to try.


End file.
